Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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