In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
