i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
