i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
