Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
