just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
