Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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