the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
false alarm, still single
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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