problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She told me I should be a condom model.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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