I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
