I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
