Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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