Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
