So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
