quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
