so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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