Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
