WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
