used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
