so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
