If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
