She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
