Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
