Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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