I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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