dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
