Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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