did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
