there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
