Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
