Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
