Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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