I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
