That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I would ride that face into the sunset
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
