There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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