She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
