Pappa wants mamma naked
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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