And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
