Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
