Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
