D3 body, D1 cock
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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