Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
