Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
