drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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