He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
