I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
