Will you blow on my dice?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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