did you get engaged???
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
