Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
