I accidentally burped into my bong.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
